Love Letter to a Grieving Mother

I see you, sweetheart.  Dealing with the shame of being the mother who didn’t notice your daughter’s body being seized by cancer. Society taught you to believe the day you became a mother you were wired with every instinct needed to protect her.  Sometimes society is crazy.  You know that. How could anyone shield a child from all harm? Sweets, please remember the doctors didn’t see it either.  Not her pediatrician. Not the ER doctor on the 1st try. Not bloodwork. Not ultrasounds. Not X-Rays.

You took her each time she demanded, “I need to see the doctor.” You patiently listened to her 3-year-old words, trying to form an explanation of how she felt and why she needed to go. You trusted her to listen to her body. It’s hard to hear this, but that is all you can do. It’s out of your hands. Follow the new game plan to the best of your ability.

If only you had identified the problem sooner, her odds of a cure would be much higher.  But, sweets, also remember you don’t have that kind of power over her life. Yes, you wanted to believe she just had a virus and would be fine. Once you couldn’t make sense of that temporarily comforting answer anymore, you drove hard to the nearest children’s hospital.  You and your husband knew a virus could no longer explain her pain.  Even if they said it could take weeks for her to feel better.  Those weeks might not have made as big of a difference as you think.  That’s the thing about life.  You never know past the moment you are living. Trying to re-live the past or write about the future doesn’t work.

The honest answer is terrifying. Because you’re powerless over the outcome, you thought there would be a beautiful reward by doing all the right things.  Sweets, sometimes you can be kind, eat clean, exercise, ban all chemicals, and sacrifice your career to protect her during COVID-19, AND tragic circumstances happen anyway. You aren’t alone in experiencing tragedy.  Even when it feels lonely some days, feel my all-encompassing hug.  

Perhaps it’s time to put down your inner Judge Judy and relinquish her perfectionist control to the power that has always been greater than yours. Stop clenching. Take the pressure off your tiny shoulders.  You GET to provide love.  You keep loving the beautiful gift God bestowed on you the day Rory was born.  Leave the rest to God, sweetheart. 

Always here to hug you with the same intense compassion you have for others. 

© 2025 Soulboost4Work, LLC. All rights reserved.